Saturday, October 25, 2008
New Thoughts
I just saw a movie that is making me reconsider my whole life. I need time away from everything to think.
Emotions are running through me
So rapidly..
Here I am… at the daily grind. Recently, feeling superior because I realized I don’t need a relationship because there is always college after all. If I get in a relationship with anyone, chances are we won’t stay together for long. How would we ever manage to go to the same college? Not to mention the chances are incredibly high that I will find someone who I like in college, wherever I go. I mean it’s a HUGE campus, there is bound to be someone who will love, or even like me as much as I would them.
So as I was saying, I was just sitting in a corner working on a Richard III Lit review I really am enjoying at the moment. It was such a great read and funny even when it’s suppose to be serious (only because the people in it are idiots). I digress. So I’m sitting here and I look over and see this girl sitting in a couch chair. She fell asleep and I look over and see this boy sitting across her looking at her with a smile. He tries waking her by tapping her but she does not stir. He tries everything he can and she won’t wake up… So he leans in and gives her the most beautiful kiss I’ve ever seen to her (even better than movies). She slowly flutters her eyes open and she sighs and smiles and they kiss again…
That had to be the most romantic thing I had ever seen. I’m the kind of guy who thinks romance=simplicity…. Don’t get me roses, or presents or something of value. Though presents are nice, it doesn’t say “romance” to me. I prefer to be surprised (and not the shocked kind) but a pleasant, sweet little thing that no one would have thought mattered. The littlest things would take me there, to my peaceful serenity of a relationship. So it poses the question, why are some things more attractive (romantically) to people than other things, is everyone who thinks gifts are romantics just kind of in the relationship and wants tangible proof that they are loved or do the little things truly do matter? I don’t need something I can show people and say “look here, I’m loved” I need something that I’ll know in my heart, means you love me.
Which turns I into a hypocritical bastard and I start wanting that relationship. There are a few people I could imagine going that extra mile with, but for some reason I stop myself from acting on it. What happened to the Steven that took chances and decided, enough is enough, they have to know. I’ve turned into someone who really thinks things out before I act out on it. It’s a good thing, don’t get me wrong, but also bad, because if I never take that leap of faith, will I ever find the one. Is there a one or are there the people that we can manage to live with.
“each morning I get up, I die a little, can’t barely stand on my feet, take a look in the middle and cry, ‘lord what you doing to me’…” these words make more sense every day of my life...
Here I am… at the daily grind. Recently, feeling superior because I realized I don’t need a relationship because there is always college after all. If I get in a relationship with anyone, chances are we won’t stay together for long. How would we ever manage to go to the same college? Not to mention the chances are incredibly high that I will find someone who I like in college, wherever I go. I mean it’s a HUGE campus, there is bound to be someone who will love, or even like me as much as I would them.
So as I was saying, I was just sitting in a corner working on a Richard III Lit review I really am enjoying at the moment. It was such a great read and funny even when it’s suppose to be serious (only because the people in it are idiots). I digress. So I’m sitting here and I look over and see this girl sitting in a couch chair. She fell asleep and I look over and see this boy sitting across her looking at her with a smile. He tries waking her by tapping her but she does not stir. He tries everything he can and she won’t wake up… So he leans in and gives her the most beautiful kiss I’ve ever seen to her (even better than movies). She slowly flutters her eyes open and she sighs and smiles and they kiss again…
That had to be the most romantic thing I had ever seen. I’m the kind of guy who thinks romance=simplicity…. Don’t get me roses, or presents or something of value. Though presents are nice, it doesn’t say “romance” to me. I prefer to be surprised (and not the shocked kind) but a pleasant, sweet little thing that no one would have thought mattered. The littlest things would take me there, to my peaceful serenity of a relationship. So it poses the question, why are some things more attractive (romantically) to people than other things, is everyone who thinks gifts are romantics just kind of in the relationship and wants tangible proof that they are loved or do the little things truly do matter? I don’t need something I can show people and say “look here, I’m loved” I need something that I’ll know in my heart, means you love me.
Which turns I into a hypocritical bastard and I start wanting that relationship. There are a few people I could imagine going that extra mile with, but for some reason I stop myself from acting on it. What happened to the Steven that took chances and decided, enough is enough, they have to know. I’ve turned into someone who really thinks things out before I act out on it. It’s a good thing, don’t get me wrong, but also bad, because if I never take that leap of faith, will I ever find the one. Is there a one or are there the people that we can manage to live with.
“each morning I get up, I die a little, can’t barely stand on my feet, take a look in the middle and cry, ‘lord what you doing to me’…” these words make more sense every day of my life...
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
"We don't need no water.."
Don't let us burn.
So i guess that most of my readers (ie 1)has probably heard of the fire that is progressing in Sylmar and Porter Valley. Just when they got sylmar undercontrol, porter started then the Sylmar fire "fired" up again so to speak. Kind of weird being evacuated from your house... I just sit here listening to the background sounds of Bade blades and bride and prejudice while i try and ignore the world and write my life out on my laptop which is now, my life.
It's sad, but there you have it. My life is in flames so i live in my computer now. I keep singing "This fire is out of control.. it's gonna burn this city.. burn this CITY!" and then "We didn't start the fire..." and "It's the end of the world as we know it..." ah music..
So naturally the fire has inspired my drawing senses. So i'm sketching again... Damn i miss school oddly enough now.. i guess when i miss school when i don't want to, i actually end up wanting to go.. Maybe just so i can distract myself while this is all going on. Probably would have been better if i had school while my parents were divorcing. :/
Ah well imma head out side and sketch and hopefully fall asleep meanwhile.
So i guess that most of my readers (ie 1)has probably heard of the fire that is progressing in Sylmar and Porter Valley. Just when they got sylmar undercontrol, porter started then the Sylmar fire "fired" up again so to speak. Kind of weird being evacuated from your house... I just sit here listening to the background sounds of Bade blades and bride and prejudice while i try and ignore the world and write my life out on my laptop which is now, my life.
It's sad, but there you have it. My life is in flames so i live in my computer now. I keep singing "This fire is out of control.. it's gonna burn this city.. burn this CITY!" and then "We didn't start the fire..." and "It's the end of the world as we know it..." ah music..
So naturally the fire has inspired my drawing senses. So i'm sketching again... Damn i miss school oddly enough now.. i guess when i miss school when i don't want to, i actually end up wanting to go.. Maybe just so i can distract myself while this is all going on. Probably would have been better if i had school while my parents were divorcing. :/
Ah well imma head out side and sketch and hopefully fall asleep meanwhile.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
After-Life
How I'm feeling...
A little annoyed actually... So i go to blogger.com about 2 days ago and i find out that i can't into my old blog, which is a little annoying, to be truthful. I was thinking of making a new blog anyway, but now that it's forced upon me, I'm a little overwhelmed. Is this what an after life feels like? If so, i hope i never re-incarnate, starting over is the worst curse i could ever imagine. gah.
Yeah... but i decided, since I've been given a second chance, metaphorically speaking anyway so i will re-introduce myself and start my story line.
I'm the one who sees... well just about everything. I know most of the rumors in school and most of the people too. The only thing is, that i don't ever EVER get what i want. There is always someone better, or smoother or cooler, etc. So i'm always the one who watches everyone and never gets to be the one being watched.
Sorry if you're getting a rather pessimistic view of me, but i'm not very optimistic at the moment, you see, the wallflower thing happened again. As many know, i love drama. Not the dramatic-ness drama where people cry and are queens and such, the one where you cry and are queens.. on stage. Well every year at my school, we have a talent show (as most do). This year there was a special dance and it is to a mixture of Queen songs. So me being excited me and all, i go to try outs optimistic and rady to dance. It's only me for the first 10 minutes (guy-wise) so i'm pretty psyched. Then the men start rolling in. The Casual one; he's really nice to me and i have no problem with him. Then comes The I-Couldn't-Give-A-Shit one. He REALLY pisses me off. Not only does he act like he doesn't care, but his acting is horrible, you can tell he's faking what he says and on top if it all he CAN'T dance, he can move, sure but he's so soild, it's like he has wires in his body... GAH! Ok. Then The Pot-Head goes in. i have no real problem with him other than that he can be as high as a kite and STILL get the part. He is the stereotypical "dream guy" that all girls fawn over and is already playing Link Larkin in the Hairspray dance. So we try out and everythings.. ok. So i go to check the list to see who makes it and who is not. First thing i see is the two people i DON'T want to get main parts... did. Pot-Head got the main guy, and I-Couldn't-gove-a-shit go the main bully. I swear it is really upsetting that 2 people who don't deserve it, get it. i'm Pot-head's understudy and Casual is ICGAS's understudy. But the chances of them not showing up to try outs is incredibly low. It was really typical and i can just see it when the play comes around that the same thing will happen, just like last year, they'll choose the popular over the talented. not saying that i'm nessisarily talented, but i'd like to think i have some talent and more than ICGAS at least.
Ah well, what should i expect from my life. This always happens so we'll see. What can i do?
A little annoyed actually... So i go to blogger.com about 2 days ago and i find out that i can't into my old blog, which is a little annoying, to be truthful. I was thinking of making a new blog anyway, but now that it's forced upon me, I'm a little overwhelmed. Is this what an after life feels like? If so, i hope i never re-incarnate, starting over is the worst curse i could ever imagine. gah.
Yeah... but i decided, since I've been given a second chance, metaphorically speaking anyway so i will re-introduce myself and start my story line.
I'm the one who sees... well just about everything. I know most of the rumors in school and most of the people too. The only thing is, that i don't ever EVER get what i want. There is always someone better, or smoother or cooler, etc. So i'm always the one who watches everyone and never gets to be the one being watched.
Sorry if you're getting a rather pessimistic view of me, but i'm not very optimistic at the moment, you see, the wallflower thing happened again. As many know, i love drama. Not the dramatic-ness drama where people cry and are queens and such, the one where you cry and are queens.. on stage. Well every year at my school, we have a talent show (as most do). This year there was a special dance and it is to a mixture of Queen songs. So me being excited me and all, i go to try outs optimistic and rady to dance. It's only me for the first 10 minutes (guy-wise) so i'm pretty psyched. Then the men start rolling in. The Casual one; he's really nice to me and i have no problem with him. Then comes The I-Couldn't-Give-A-Shit one. He REALLY pisses me off. Not only does he act like he doesn't care, but his acting is horrible, you can tell he's faking what he says and on top if it all he CAN'T dance, he can move, sure but he's so soild, it's like he has wires in his body... GAH! Ok. Then The Pot-Head goes in. i have no real problem with him other than that he can be as high as a kite and STILL get the part. He is the stereotypical "dream guy" that all girls fawn over and is already playing Link Larkin in the Hairspray dance. So we try out and everythings.. ok. So i go to check the list to see who makes it and who is not. First thing i see is the two people i DON'T want to get main parts... did. Pot-Head got the main guy, and I-Couldn't-gove-a-shit go the main bully. I swear it is really upsetting that 2 people who don't deserve it, get it. i'm Pot-head's understudy and Casual is ICGAS's understudy. But the chances of them not showing up to try outs is incredibly low. It was really typical and i can just see it when the play comes around that the same thing will happen, just like last year, they'll choose the popular over the talented. not saying that i'm nessisarily talented, but i'd like to think i have some talent and more than ICGAS at least.
Ah well, what should i expect from my life. This always happens so we'll see. What can i do?
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